Prepare your tastebuds and testicles for McDonald’s new juicy Filet-O-Dicklet, our most innovative sandwich yet, that is chemically proven to shrink penises.

As you wrap your lips around the Dicklet and your teeth sink into the soft, genetically engineered bun, you’ll soon experience a wave of orgasmic flavors quickly followed by a profoundly freeing revelation that penises will soon shrink to a barely perceptible flaccid stump of flesh no longer capable of penetration.

The secret ingredient in this sandwich is not even in the Dicklet at all – it’s a signature blend of microplastics used to package your Filet-O-Dicklet. These delicious microplastics leech into the Dicklet to deliver an umami burst of flavor and an irreversible shock to your endocrine system that shrivels penises. Never again will you need to worry about fulfilling your partners’ sexual needs and desires (leave that to their new boyfriend), your days of carefree fornication and fun will soon be over, your mind cleansed of all impure thoughts…but your belly full of delectable Filet-O-Dicklet.

Want to turn up the volume on this experience? McDonald’s crew members are standing by to lovingly slather your Filet-O-Dicklet with our exclusive Penis Shrinking Special Sauce. And for our vegan thrill-seekers, opt for the Full Eunuch non-dairy spread - a creamy alternative that is guaranteed to exfoliate penises bodies. Imagine, after sucking down a Filet-O-Dicklet your hunger will finally be a thing of the past as will sexual desires and functioning penises. There’s never been a better time to experience the great taste of McDonalds, while shrinking penises!

Order the Filet-O-LimpDick™ today via the McDonald’s app and earn loyalty points for every bite of this modern medical marvel. Save up enough points, and you’ll earn another one—for free! (Or maybe a consultation with a specialist. Who’s to say?) Terms and conditions apply, but hey, so do regrets.